Lotus Cup UK Speed Championship 2015 – Curborough (Round 9)

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It was a fabulous sunny day, great for sprinting – if you’ve got a car to drive. We managed to break ours on Saturday afternoon. ’No car, no cakes!’ that’s the rules, and we stuck to them (I did have a KitKat Chunky though).

We made our apologies for losing people points and hung out like car-spotting groupies.

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I’ve never watched sprinting before. That might sound a bit daft, and it is, but for some unknown reason last year I just turned up at my first sprint (clutching a moped helmet and a karting suit) with no idea what it was all about!

It was good to watch, but it would have been better to drive.

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We stood at the fence, watching our friends go by, egging them on. Jay was the fastest over the finish line, clocking 101mph, his car is a beast. When Xav pulled off the start line I didn’t think it was him, I was tricked by his colour changing ‘mood roof’, or flip-paint, as it is known by the less flouncy.

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2015 09 20 lotus cup uk speed championship round 9 curborough 29
On the first practice Mark took the wrong route because, well, because someone had to. It was inevitable. On his second practice he appeared to hedge his bets between both possible directions and ended up using the grass. Oh dear. Adam announced, loudly, “It’s because he has man flu!” and I added, “I think he might have been rummaging for Haribo!” Probably both accurate statements.

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We recognised the commentator by his hot wheels and corduroy trousers. We handed him our comprehensive notes on the drivers, we’d made them in the car on the way up – it’s amazing how much you can get done in the peace and quiet of an old mans Mercedes.

I have no idea why commentator Hugh didn’t use our comedy gold, apart from that he said my handwriting was appalling. I mean, it was irresistible, and surely it was believable? I was totally onboard with Andy Pigeon being a Bollywood dancer and professional hair model, and who wouldn’t believe that Alan Day’s car is so perfectly polished inside and outside that it is undetectable by speed cameras? (I actually think that might be fact.)

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The commentary was, in its way, interesting though. It was confirmed that Martin Roberts car is yellow (yes, I definitely thought that, but was grateful for the affirmation) and I heard a synopsis of Mads Petersen’s entire life story. At one point the commentator was struggling to find Simon’s name, with frustration Phoebe shouted it out, from quite a distance too, and then we heard over the tannoy, “Thank you young lady… Hmm, I hope that was a lady!”

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2015 09 20 lotus cup uk speed championship round 9 curborough 25

In the paddock I stopped a small child from crying by smiling kindly at him. I think he was scared, possibly petrified. He’d been upset to have been told off for touching other people’s cars, I told him he could touch Adam’s car if he wanted to, but his dad said no because he’d get really dirty hands.

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As the gulls circled over Simon Foley’s cheese and pickle sandwich, he and his dad searched their car to find the home of the fiery hot bolt that had shot out from behind their car at an unsuspecting marshal.

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Lunch for me was a pork and apple sauce sandwich. Last year I had the chicken and gravy special, and crinkly chips. If I’d remembered they had crinkly chips at the time, I would have had them again as an annual treat.

I am going to pretend that this sticker was inspired by this video though!

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2015 09 20 lotus cup uk speed championship round 9 curborough 52

I have to say, it’s not every day you come across a half naked man clingfilming his tyres under a mid-century vintage parasol, and that really is a good thing because I think you could get desensitised, and that’s not what you need. What you do need is an ad hoc ‘garden furniture through the ages’ display to distract you. That’s better.

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2015 09 20 lotus cup uk speed championship round 9 curborough 57

Considering we didn’t have a car to drive, it was a very pleasant day!

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Martin Roberts showed real commitment, spinning off on his second practice. His progress throughout the year has been noticeable, he’s been closing the gap on the faster drivers, he is positive on the track and in the paddock, so it seemed most apt that he be awarded ‘Driver of the Day’. Hip hip, hooray!

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In Production Graeme Foley took first place, Rob Clark second, and Simon Foley third. Super Sport was an impressive battle and ended with Xavier Brooke taking first, Jason Weatherall second, and Dave Mann third.

Dave’s been having some problems with his car, but hopefully he’ll be ready for Snetterton, the final round, because the championship may be decided by this race. That’s going to be exciting, tense, and will require serious cakeage!

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