Everyday Life

(Not The) World’s Greatest Hot Cross Bun

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I made a promise that I cannot keep. I promised my cousin I’d make him the worlds biggest hot cross bun, but having googled my competition, for reasons relating to aesthetics and portability, I’ve had to break my promise and do something more handleable.

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This is not to say the process has gone without effort. There has been some trial and error. I’m not a seasoned bun maker.

I still let out a hearty guffaw when I pull back the damp tea towel to check the progress of the dough and prod the bulging lump that it has become.

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Today’s buns are an acceptable success, I’d say. I definitely think there’s room for improvement still. I’ve read a dozen recipes and compared them all. I’ve opted for standard good quality plain flour, over the strong bread flour suggested, and I’ve tripled the quantity of dried fruit. Next time I’ll add more cinnamon, and I will pre-soak the fruit so that the sultanas grow chubby and full. I have a plan.

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My previous attempt was not such a success. After hours of proving and kneading and proving again, the results were a disappointment, to say the least. They tasted like car filler and looked like jacket potatoes.

‘How am I ever going to give Alex a giant hot cross bun!’ I cried as I removed them from the oven.

I phoned my mum, ‘Delia’s trying to F us over!’ I exclaimed.

‘Stuff Delia!’ said my mum as she googled and found that I was not the only one who’d been tricked into making bricks by this tempting recipe. ‘I’m going near Norwich tomorrow,’ I continued, in a fit of bun rage, ‘I could put one of Delia’s windows through with her hot cross bun!’ My mum said that in court they would say it was justified.

Once the chickens got over the fear of being crushed by a raisined boulder they pecked away at them, so at least the weren’t wasted.

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I was so very nearly put off, but I am glad I persevered, as this morning we got up, made tea, toasted our homemade hot cross buns and it was lovely.

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Happy Easter! May your hot cross buns be sticky and soft, and your chocolate at room temperature.

(Apparently, this bun has ‘smashed the record’ of the bun I linked to above, but that’s not a giant hot cross bun if you ask me, it’s just a lot of buns in a novelty shape, and I’m not happy about that!)